


Public Enemy #1

by Waning_Grace



Series: The Season 13 Collection [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Episode: s13e21 Beat the Devil, Gen, Heavy Angst, Season/Series 13, Season/Series 13 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 13:28:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15220145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waning_Grace/pseuds/Waning_Grace
Summary: Of all the ways Gabriel had imagined meeting his nephew for the first time watching the way the kid's face crumbled in sorrow hadn't been one of them. All Gabriel had ever wanted was a big, loving family but he knows he can't be that for Jack, not after the tragedy he let happen. All he can be is what he's always been--no matter how much it hurts.





	Public Enemy #1

**Author's Note:**

> This piece takes place during & contains spoilers for 13x21 Beat the Devil.

 

 

Of all the ways Gabriel had envisioned meeting his nephew for the first time watching the boy’s face as it crumpled in sorrow hadn’t been one of them. He had hung back as Jack had embraced Castiel in a massive hug, watching the way the two clung to each other much like Dean and Mary were doing a few feet away. It was intimate, familial, and something previously buried deep within Gabriel’s heart couldn’t help but be warmed by the sight. He didn’t know Jack, not yet at least, but just by watching the way he and Castiel reacted to one another soothed something Gabriel thought had died within him a long time ago.

 

Speaking of death… When Castiel finally pulled back enough to look Jack in the eyes Gabriel made no move to step in as his brother explained the tragedy to the boy. It was cowardly of him to be sure, but Gabriel was far past giving a damn. Loki’s final speech came back to him in a rush: “You stand for nothing!” the Trickster’s voice hissing low in his ear and going straight for his metaphorical heart. Loki had been right, he realized in a sick rush, eyes closing briefly against the pain that throbbed in time with his vessel’s heart. Vampires may have killed Sam, but the youngest Winchester’s death was all on Gabriel; not only on his inability to retrieve him in the end but for not being able to save him in the first place. What kind of archangel, hell what kind of _angel_ , did that make him? None of this would have ever happened had he not been too damned weak to save the one person who had consistently stuck up for him, even when Gabriel hadn’t wanted him to.

 

Gabriel was never going to forgive himself for this. Ever. While a fanciful part of him had dreamed of the possibility of staying, of hanging around Castiel and the Winchesters (and Rowena) for a while longer the urge to flee had risen back up to the forefront of his mind. It was despicable, the coward’s way out, yet the urge to flee to somewhere where he could never be found again was practically all-consuming. Had it not been for the fact they were all currently trapped here in the wrong universe Gabriel honestly couldn’t say he wouldn’t haven given in to the urge already and made a break for it. It wasn’t what Sam would have wanted him to do but considering Sam was no longer at his side urging him on, what was the point anymore? Saving the world be damned—and the alternative Michael too for good measure—Gabriel no longer gave a fuck. What was the point in trying to save the world when he had already lost the one single person who mattered?

 

Legs suddenly too weak to support him, Gabriel sunk into a crouch. One hand tangled into the dirt and scrub below him, absently noting the way the soil felt the same yet at the same time completely different from their Earth’s as Gabriel drifted. Behind him he could hear the deep rumble of Castiel doing his best to sooth Jack—a task that was largely unsuccessful—and the way Dean’s voice audibly cracked as he explained the situation to his mother. Just listening to the raw pain in Dean’s voice reminded Gabriel of Sam—of the fear in his voice all those years ago when he was a dick trying desperately to teach the boy a lesson—and Gabriel wanted to vomit. His lesson had gone terribly in the end, all thanks to Sam’s unsettling stubbornness that never seemed to cease, and oh, how Gabriel longed for that time again. He had been a grade-A dick back then (and it could be argued he still was now) but at least he’d been at full power then. At least then he wouldn’t have been too weak to power the portal into this hell-hole, wouldn’t have been too weak to blast a handful of rocks, nor would he have been too weak to take down a nest of starving vampires with a simple snap of the fingers. Hot wetness splashed down onto his fingers where they were curled into the dirt and for the first time in his life Gabriel realized he was crying.

 

“Why couldn’t you do something?!” Jack cries, his anguish echoing far beyond the reach of his voice. “Couldn’t you have saved him? Why didn’t you save him!” Castiel’s voice is a comforting rumbled mix of his vessel’s deep voice and his true form’s grace, both striving to be as soothing as possible given the circumstances, yet Gabriel knows without looking that it isn’t enough. Jack may look older (to the mortals at least) than he truly is yet he’s a child who’s lost one of his parents and having _been there and done that_ Gabriel knew no words could make it better.

 

“I wasn’t strong enough.” Gabriel finally chokes out, unable to take listening a moment longer. His vessel’s voice is hoarse, damp and clogged thanks to the tears that haven’t abated, even still he knows from the sudden silence that Jack (and Cas) have heard him. Deep down inside the true of him Gabriel aches; this isn’t at all what he wanted. More than anything he wanted to belong, wanted a family, and for the first time he was so close. So damned close… _This is what you deserve_ , a familiar voice inside him sneers, and Gabriel closes his eyes against it, steeling his determination for what he’s about to do.

 

More than anything Gabriel wanted a family, but he can’t be that for Jack, not like this at any rate. All he can be is what he’s always been—the outcast, the recluse, the fuck-up—no matter how bad it hurts. He forces the tears back, opens his eyes, and slowly rises to meet his judgement. He doesn’t know what Jack will do, although he’s quite aware the kid has the power to potentially do a lot, especially with his tank drained low, but he’s willing to accept whatever comes his way. All Gabriel wanted was a family but barring that he can be the enemy—better the devil you know, right? He shoves the vulnerable side back down behind the masks he’s wore for so long and turns to face Jack head-on. “It’s my fault. I wasn’t strong enough to save him.” No matter what happens at the very least he can do this; he may not have been able to save him but at least he can give Sam’s (adopted) son someone to blame.


End file.
